catfunt: the site they should have silenced

Hacked and defeated

My poor site has been hacked more than a drunken journalist's copy. Anyway I thought I'd give up this blogging lark when MT failed for the umpteenth time when my hosting company got hacked and wormed but then I find I want to say something meaningless to no one in particular. Anyway, you can find the all new Made in China. This time it's run by professionals. Well, Blogger.

Yolly on the Beach

This is a picture of Yolly on the beach at Camber Sands. I took a Photoshop book out of the library on Victoria Street and it showed you how to make bits of the image blurry. It would have come out better if I could have found the "Flow" setting which was meant to be set to 20 percent (different versions of Photoshop I guess). It would also have come out better if I hadn't got bored halfway through the instructions and my wife hadn't come home drunk staggering around the living-room talking about the Libertines, Pete Doherty and Max Carlish (the doc is on C4 tonight). Bookclub eh? More like a drinking and talking shop if you ask me. Max Carlish went to the same school as me but he's a couple years younger.

Upside-down Bear Pencil Case: click on the bear to see some more bad drawings

This is a bear pencil case I bought off some trendy 19 year-old kid with a fin haircut and stupid jeans in Brick Lane a few years ago. Me and Yol had somehow ended up there on a Sunday morning (to get beigels no doubt) and there was this guy selling off what looked like his childhood all laid out on a blanket. I think since moving to London he'd developed a drug habit or simply acute embarrassment about his former pre-cool life. I liked it and the transaction was done for 50p. I think it might have been hand-made by his mum. It now has a Robert Crumb badge, a solvent abuse badge and a St Joseph's Hospice Keyring attached to it. And yes, it is meant to be upside down.

7-0

I went with Cathy to see the Arse play Everton but it turned out to be a massacre with Arsenal winning 7-0 even without Henry scoring. He came on for the second half and set up three of the four second-half goals including Edu's goal from the penalty. It was kind of exciting (the Guardian raved about it) but as neither team's position would be changed in the table whatever the result it wasn't anything to get too excited about. Having said that me and Yol did see the Middlesboro game at the start of the season that Gordon Strachen named as one of the best (or was it most exciting?) game of the season. Sol Campbell looked decidedly rusty. Bergkamp was good for an old man. They did a slightly desultory lap of honour at the end (they haven't won anything this season as yet) and we slipped out once they gone past the North Bank.

If you hadn't realised this isn't one of my photos. The strip next season is a weird maroon colour with gold letters on the back and is supposedly a replica of the original Arsenal strip. Synthetic fabrics have been around a lot longer than you'd think.

Hed Quarters, Brighton

The reappearance of Stella Vine in the UK. Stella's been in LA working on a show out there and jetted back for a show she's in in Brighton. I know this picture is hardly documentary evidence but she is in there, talking to Cathy. Cathy's in the green coat and a load of people decided to jump in-between Stella and me just as I took the picture. The show is curated by Delaine and Damian Le Bas and did feature the work of Jimmy Pursey, ex-Sham 69 singer, until he took his work down in a strop and went to the pub. "It appears that the kids aren't united," some wag remarked in tribute to Sham's hit single "If the Kids are united".

Art in the House: Rabbit Ears

I found this bent coat-hanger in the street a few weeks ago and it looked like rabbit's ears so naturally I brought it home and shoved the hook into the base of a candle and put it on top of the local museum. My wife said "What's that?" and I said "Rabbit ears, don't you like them?" and she said "I don't know." I think she actually meant "No" but she was obviously thinking of my feelings. A few days later the whole construction fell to the ground with a loud crash and the ears came out of the candle. I gave up and put the rabbit ears in the bin. I think my wife gave the ears "male occi"* and that's why they took a dive.

*"male occi" - from the italian that literally means "bad eye". The old women in my mother-in-law's village gave it to my wife once when she told the priest off. She told the priest off because he'd told all the children that they couldn't play in the churchyard but should go and play in the busy road. The only reason the kids were playing there is because their houses had been destroyed in the earthquake that also destroyed my wife's grandmother's house. She was called "Nona" (but you probably don't spell it like that). I imagine my wife also asked the priest why his poxy god had sent the earthquake to destroy the village as well. You don't want to fuck with her. You're just not built for it. I'm glad she mostly uses her "male occi" for good and not evil (even if she did destroy the rabbit ears).

Flickr

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

Blue Yves Montand

I've been drawing pictures with a biro on an A4 plain paper (punched) in a 200m page pad. The biro is black and for this activity I need a studio. Really.

I coloured this one in Potatoshop (badly). When I say coloured I really mean that I filled it with a single flat (but web safe) colour. As a computer user I'm the wrong age - neither disdainful and awkward around them but without the naturalness for keyboard shortcuts that I'd have if I was ten years younger (except in Quark where I am a keyboard king). Probably the fact that I reveal myself as a Quark superuser rather than an In Design guru reveals me to be of a lost generation.

Thus Spoke Zarathustra

Naxos, the excellent budget CD producer who started out with new recordings of the classical repertoire, diversified into audio books and DVDs a while ago. They've obviously run out of material so the latest release is the multi-CD set of Nietzsche's 'Thus Spoke Zarathustra'. I'm lovin' it.

My parents in Switzerland (I guess)

I think this picture was taken in Switzerland and was probably taken by my grandfather (Mum's Dad). My parents are obviously really hard as it looks freezing and neither has bothered with a coat. Probably 1957.

Hipbone Slim

Went out to Leytonstone to see what had been billed as a punk-surf-rockabilly band but that was mostly by me, and secondly mostly wrong. Slim Hipbone (or is it Hipbone Slim) and the Kneetremblers are much more Rock 'n' Roll, 50s Americana (Drums, standup Bass, Guitar) with a very lively set incluing the vocalist ("Baldie") making regular forays across the pub's tables. It's a good night, entrance is free (they have a slightly disorganised collection that it would be easy to avoid if you were a very mean person) and you can find more details at http://www.whatscookin.co.uk/.

The supporting band were called the Silver Saddles who played country numbers and hail from Sweden. Yol said "They're not very good". I said "You try writing and singing country music in your second language." She's working on a set that combines the Neapolitan tradition (Gigli, Caruso) with Nashville. Watch this space, as they say.

The Allotment

You see there's a really interesting looking picture and a really dull title 'The Allotment'. Sadly I think my days of post-modern discourse are all behind me and I'd rather spend the day at the allotment.
While we were getting ready to go out to some art thing last night my sister who's staying with us came across a gardening progarmme on Discovery called 'The Allotment'. It was only the idea that my sister might have thought even less of us that meant we still went out to see art (in this case a looped piece on 35mm neg with a big scratch along it projected via a video camera and a digital projector).

There are only cliches available to describe alloment gardening: the people are really friendly and helpful (actually they're also quite bitchy which is a real saving grace of the thing); stuff you've grown yourself tastes so-much better (with the exception of the tomatoes last year which were a real disappointment everything else was much nicer). If nothing else it means me and Yol can get some fresh air while we bicker away and try and take charge of the relationship. So far this year we have planted carrots, parsnips, leeks, onion and shallot sets, broad beans, garlic, artichokes. I'll put some more pictures up soon.

Happy St Patrick's Day

My brother texts our sister to wish her a Happy St Pat's Day but doesn't text me. I know because I'm standing next to my sister when she receives the text. What's that all about then? I'll call him and Pop later on. (Update: Because I know you're interested. I've spoken to brother and all is cool. I'm off to the studio to bastardise magazines and listen to Marty Robbins.)

Anyway it's a bright sunny day so we walk up Mare Street passing the Dolphin ("Private Party, Regulars only") where there's a load country music blaring out; The Ship ("Guiness £2.20"); Maddigans ("Guiness £2") and various other places with similar enticing offers but the best is the pub under the bridge by Marks and Spencers where between 2.30pm and 6.30pm you can get a £2 pint of Guiness with "complimentary Cabbage and Bacon". Hmmmmmmm. The fancy place opposite is doing an all inclusive Guiness, Irish stew and Irish coffee for £8 but that doesn't really do it for me.

This isn't one of my pictures, it's from the wonderful Houston Chapter of the GPA (Greyhound Pets of America) annual St Pat's Day Parade.

I thank the Lord I'm Welsh...

This is a picture of Yol's dad outside Cardiff prison having a decidedly Pinkie moment. It's not a new picture although it does remind me of the place that used to be in the Trocadero shopping centre where you could dress up as Victorian shop-keepers or Confederate soldiers and be photographed old-world style. Maybe there's a business in this or an art project or something. Anyway, Doctor Who looks like it'll be really good, Wales win at rugby and Robbie Savage announces his retirement from international football. A good week for Wales all round.

What do teenagers want? Death.

My latest "art project" involves interferring with magazines. Usually of the kind and quality that you find in doctor's waiting rooms. This one's an Obeserver special on Teenagers. Like anyone cares?

The Chinese Norman Wisdom: The Yellow Eminem

In The Guardian last week they had a piece about Jin Auyeung who's a rapper in the States. The piece was largely about his experiences as a Chinese American rapper. His angle was it would be great when (and if) the day comes when the fact that he's yellow is secondary to his music (I guess in those terms 'That guy really sucks' would be better than 'That chinky guy really sucks'). It's all very Guardian and cuddly but they kinda spoiled it by putting the headline 'Straight outta Chinatown' and using a photo where Jin looks like a Chinese Norman Wisdom. I didn't let this put me off ordering the album (via eBay in the US) - it should arrive as soon as stoner Jim in Cali gets round to posting it.